Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
