dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
