I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
