This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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