The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
