the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Buhtt sex?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
