Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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