I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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