she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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