awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
