I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
