So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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