You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
