I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
