I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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