Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
