I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
