it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Of course I have a pirate flag
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Drake has all the answers
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