I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
