When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
