i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
