Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
