This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
