My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
