If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
