We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
