My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
