he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
