he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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