dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
