And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
