I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
