let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
