Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
