Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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