you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
