I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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