Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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