i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
