we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
