It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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