at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
