I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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