Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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