I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
