living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
