Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
