I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
