Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
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