Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
